A Note on Screen Time

 Screen time is absolutely out of control these days, and I'm sure it is only worse as you are reading this. My grandparents grew up with a radio. My parents grew up with four public channels on a family TV. I grew up with many public channels and cable at Grandma's house. Now my kids are growing up with unlimited streaming options and friends with their own iPads. 

Now, once again, I have approached this completely wrong up until recently. So, first I would tell you what I would do if I were preparing to start a family. Then, I will tell you what I am doing now.

If I didn't have any children, I would do a screen detox. I would delete all of the apps from my smartphone and not use the television or computer for a week. If I needed to use a computer for work, I would take as many days off of work that week as I could for a more thorough detox! The first few days would be very hard. The body will experience dopamine withdrawals and subsequent anxiety. BUT, once a person is stripped away of all these things, she will figure out who she really is! If I had done this, I would have discovered that I was an uninteresting, unintelligent person a lot sooner.

Once this detox has been completed, slowly and intentionally start adding technologies back in. Decide how they best serve you. In the book Let Them Be Kids by Jessica Smart, she recommends making a physical manifesto for your family regarding screen time. Use this to help you decide what technologies may return. (I will share mine later.)

Next, develop some old-fashioned hobbies and survival skills. Learn to cook from scratch, sew, garden, play card games, read non-fiction, try logic puzzles, etc. In other words, become interesting and intelligent! You will quickly find that you have too many interests to even want to consume mindless entertainment!

Lastly, as your children want to use screens (or you want them to leave you alone for an hour). Be EXTREMELY selective as to what you let them consume. I would get only a stack of DVDs for them to choose from. I would only let them watch shows with ZERO animation until at least age five. (Well.... probably with the exception of Bluey... That is a dang good show!) I would still permit them to watch other shows while at friends' houses as long as it is in small amounts. Here are some shows we enjoy:

• Singing in the Rain
• The Sound of Music (end at the wedding for young children)
• Seven Brides for Seven Brothers
• Nature documentaries (preview for hunting if your children are easily scared)
• Zoboomafoo (does use a puppet, but mostly good)

Notice a pattern here? The problem with animation, and even puppets, is that young children have no idea what is real or fake. This creates problems like my oldest daughter hurting herself after trying to fly because Goofy did it in an episode of Mickey Mouse Clubhouse. 

Now, let's talk about what I did do.

When my oldest was three or four, I distinctly remember sitting in the kitchen at her little table and helping her wash toy dishes in a toy sink. The baby was asleep, so this was a great opportunity for some 1-on-1 time! She was talking to me, and we would have truly bonded if only I could stop scrolling social media! But, I was addicted. Each time I set the phone down, my fingers itched to grab it again. I found my daughter's presence boring and even unbearable. It was a HUGE wake-up call. My iPhone revealed that I was using it for four hours every day. Then, the pediatrician asked me how many hours of "non-educational screen time" my daughter was receiving. This shook me even more when I realized we were letting her watch three or four movies a day! Not only was I not present, but I was offloading parenting to the screens, and, by extension, robbing my sweet girl of her imagination. 

(Side note: Toddlers don't need educational screen time. No one truly does! Don't get me wrong, I learn A LOT from YouTube tutorials, but the Founding Fathers seemed to manage without them. I would highly encourage a literature-based education.)

So, I started by doing a 30-day phone detox where I deleted every app on my phone that I could use on my laptop. This was about 99% of them. Then, I told my daughter we would be watching one 30-minute show in the morning and one movie in the afternoon. This cut her screen time by more than half. 

Then, I discovered Let Them Be Kids. While I have not yet made ours physical, I have declared three clear rules to the children:

1. Screens may be used once a day when we are needing rest (e.g. afternoon movie)

2. Screens may occasionally be used as a family activity (e.g. Mario Party or watching a baseball game)

3. All entertainment consumed on the screens must allow the Holy Spirit to remain in our home. Any unclean television show or videogame that causes contention will not be tolerated.

(Side note: You don't need to have a "reason" to ban a show from your home. If you just don't like a show, then it probably isn't good for your kids! Don't overthink it.)

With this in mind, I have eliminated morning screen time, and instead we eat breakfast outside every day except for when it is too cold (which is only parts of December and January where we live). We rotate who picks the afternoon movie Monday-Saturday, and on Sundays it is Mom & Dad's pick. The children may pick from a tower of DVDs (mostly cartoons... I admit it!) or two streaming services. If we are doing something fun in the afternoon and miss screen time, how lucky are we! We had such an amazing time doing XYZ that we didn't even miss the TV! (Or so I tell the whiny children.)

The benefits of this system have been amazing! My kids behave better,  love each other more, sleep better, and have incredible pretend play! It has certainly not been easy, though. Each time we cut screen time, I have to become more involved in entertaining them for a few days while they adjust. They do occasionally complain that other children are allowed to watch certain shows or have their own iPad or whatever. I have found that the best remedy for this is to model a full life without screens. In fact, I recently switched back to an analog watch instead of a smart watch, and I will soon be using a flip phone! 

I truly believe that 99.9% of these technologies are distractions that keep us away from living up to our full potential and following God's plan for us. Once you see that, the world will open up to you in ways you cannot imagine! 

Keep becoming!

Love,

Mama

Playing with Mother by William Kay Blacklock

I want spending time with my children to feel this restful and rewarding!