A Note on Self-Care

 

As a new mom, I very often heard from older women the phrase, "Sleep when the baby sleeps." I also often heard on the internet or from other moms near my age, "Fold laundry when the baby folds laundry." The meaning of this phrase has been lost, and I totally get it! I was filled with constant anxiety with my first baby. When she was calm, I was worried she may start crying. If she was crying, I was worried she wouldn't stop. If she was asleep, I was worried she would wake up. The list goes on and on. I wish I had known two things: baby wake windows and self-care. Today, I will talk about self-care, but just know that every time your baby falls asleep, she should stay asleep for at least 30 minutes. Her naps will become more predictable as she gets older, but even as a newborn they should last at least 30 minutes.

So, you have 30 minutes to yourself. You need to take care of yourself! I don't want to get into all of the things that society and marketing companies say are "self-care." Let's jump straight to the point. Jordan Peterson, a philosopher and educator of our day, includes self-care in his 12 Rules for Life. Rule #2 is "Treat Yourself Like Someone You are Responsible for  Helping." To do this, simply look at your baby and think: whatever you do for her, do for yourself. My midwife put it this way: every time the baby falls asleep, check in with your needs (e.g. hunger, thirst, bathroom, shower, etc.). After you have powdered your nose, consider the following list.

Mama's List of Things You Deserve

1. Good food. Take some time to cook your meals. You deserve simple, well prepared, healthy food. Don't wait until you are hungry to walk into the kitchen.

2. A clean kitchen. Take a couple minutes each night to load the dishwasher and a couple minutes each morning to unload it. Your life will be so much easier.

3. To like the way you look. Having a baby is hard on your body. Find some easy, comfortable clothes that you like and wash them once a week. Also, take a couple minutes to brush your hair each morning. There is no reason for you to be embarrassed if someone knocks on your door.

4. A clean toilet. Your bathroom works hard. Wipe it down at a minimum of once a month. 

5. Rest. If you find yourself feeling panicked, stressed, or just plain tired, lay down. And don't pick up a screen! Just let yourself rest.

That list is by no means complete, but I hope you are noticing a pattern. Self-care isn't a product or a shortcut or even relaxing. Most of the time, it is doing your chores! Working now is a gift to your future self. You wouldn't let your baby sleep in spit-up pajamas, so you shouldn't either! (But if you don't have a desire to change your baby's spit-up pajamas, please reach out to a friend.) Taking care of yourself and your new little family is going to require some maturity. I will talk more about the "how" of doing all these things in my next post, but if I were to leave you with one "trick" to motivate yourself it would be this: do some yoga before a chore. When the instructor asks you to "set your intention" make it whatever your chore is. Cleaning the bathroom has never felt so possible. :)

Best of Luck,

Mama

This painting is "The Laundress" by Eugene de Blaas

I liked this one because the woman looks very satisfied. A good day's work is very satisfying. True relaxation comes when you know that all the work is done well, and you are prepared for the next day. There is no better gift to give yourself than going to do a chore and realizing that you did it yesterday!